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| 'Bully' author tells locals: Teach teens how to
think Coloroso, author of "The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander," spoke to a group of Davis teachers, students and parents about how to break a cycle of violence that includes not only abusers and their victims, but the large number of children who watch or participate in the bullying and adults who often see bullying as a normal part of childhood. "Bullying is a conscious, willful, deliberate, hostile activity intended to cause harm, induce fear through the threat of further aggression and create terror," Coloroso said, who spoke in the school's indoor commons. Bullying is a result of the perpetrator's contempt for another person, she said, not a response to anger. Gathering sponsors from throughout Davis, Jann Murray-García, of Davis Blacks for Effective Community Action, arranged for Coloroso's free talk and a training session earlier today for local teachers and child care providers after hearing her speak in January at the Yolo County Children's Summit. Coloroso is from Littleton, Colo., the home of Columbine High School. The impetus, she noted in one request for funding for Coloroso's visit, is a number of recent examples of racism and bullying in the community. "Davis has been plagued by ongoing incidents of racism, bullying and patterns of exclusion that maim and hurt the development of chidden and young people in our community," Murray-García wrote. Noting the crowd in attendance Tuesday and that about 200 teachers were expected for today's training, Murray-García vowed that she and others would continue to create "circles of caring." Organizers are planning a community book discussion of Coloroso's book in the coming months. According to Coloroso, there are three types of bullying: verbal, physical and relational. Verbal bullying is the most prevalent, she said, and includes name-calling, taunts, gossip, racial slurs or sexual comments. Physical bullying is rare, she noted, but often gets the most attention. Relational bullying includes shunning and exclusion. Coloroso said adults often take part in the bully's work by minimizing the victim's trauma. Teachers and parents may make comments like, "he's just teasing," or blame the victim for the bullying, by saying, for example, "if you wouldn't dress like that, they would leave you alone," she said. Most often, adults are unaware of the abuse because victims are ashamed that they have been targeted, Coloroso said. "Bullying happens under the radar of adults," she said. At the same time, the majority of children are neither bullies or victims, but bystanders. These are the children that can be taught to act with integrity despite fear when they see someone being bullied, Coloroso said. The key, she said, is to focus on letting children make small decisions from a very early age. Telling children what to wear, how to act and what to say sends the message that they are not capable of making their own choices and doesn't prepare them for the time they will be forced to make the tough decision to stand up for others, she said. "We need to give kids the tools to be able to stand up for their own rights while respecting the rights of others," Coloroso said. - Reach Crystal Ross O'Hara at cohara@davisenterprise.net Wednesday, August 18, 2004 |